I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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