I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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