So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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