He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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