She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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