Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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