How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
