Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
