wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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