living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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