i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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