You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
