im calling her cock vulture from now on
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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