I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
