Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
