I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
