You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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