Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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