State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
