so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
