Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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