i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I love you. Go after that dick
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
