YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Houston, we have a squirter
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
