walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
