we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
