You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
