I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
