wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
