The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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