we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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