can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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