Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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