i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wish you could order shots online.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
