Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
