Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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