he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
