why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
