so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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