Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Drake has all the answers
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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