I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Help. Why am I so naked?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
