what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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