It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
