just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
