Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
