dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
