the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
