the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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