I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
