I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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