After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
