if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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