This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
