thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
