My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
